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Bob Sullivan

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Family turns to Facebook when son disappears

Posted: Thursday, July 9 2009 at 07:00 am CT by Bob Sullivan

(NOTE: This story originally appeared on July 9. Gregory Hillman was pronounced dead on July 11 after his parents identified a body found in a nearby river as their son. To read more, cick here. Or, visit a Facebook page devoted to him.)

Gregory Hillman is an aspiring musician and architect, a former college student in Portland, Ore., and the third child in a family of four children from the beautiful Connecticut suburb of Darien.  He also suffers from bipolar disorder and other mental health difficulties.

Now, he's missing.

Hillman managed to escape while being transferred from one mental health facility to another last week near North Adams, Mass., just days before he turned 21. He ran off into the woods and has not been seen since. Before the escape, he sent a suicide note to his sister and brother, saying he planned to drown himself in the Atlantic Ocean – leaving his family to fear they are in a race against time to find him.

In their frantic search to find Gregory, the family has turned to Facebook for help. The “Help Find Gregory Hillman,” group quickly grew to more than 1,400 members. Hillman is still missing, but there are indications that he's still alive, his sister, Amanda Hillman, said Wednesday.

"I know that he suffers from pain and anguish that I couldn't comprehend," said Amanda, 25, who lives in Seattle.  "I bet he's frightened and I want him to feel safe coming home."

Hillman’s Facebook page may play an important role in the family’s quest.  They were able to guess at a few possible destinations for Gregory – Providence, Albany, southern Connecticut, New York City -- and used Facebook to contact friends and friends of friends in each area.  But perhaps more important, the site is crammed with messages from friends recalling the soft-spoken young man with a kind heart, urging him to communicate with loved ones.

Gregory Hillman

Greghillman "Maddie and I are praying for you and spreading the word so you can be safe and sound,” said one. “I miss you man and I really hope that you will overcome this. Please come home safely. I love you bro."

Others seem emboldened by the unfolding drama to share their own stories of mental health battles.

"I'm not sure if my mom ever told you, but last year I was hospitalized for depression and suicide risk,” wrote another friend.  “All my failures had seemed to catch up to me and it felt as if my life was finally at its end. The thing is, it wasn't the end. I got better when I finally switched medication for almost the 10th time. The thing is, life does get better, even when it seems like you're stuck with the worst life has to offer. You just can't give up."

Increasingly, social networking sites like Facebook are playing an important role in missing persons and runaway cases.  The power of the network effect, coupled with viral marketing, dwarfs the impact that old-fashioned "missing" posters could have.

Jennifer Di Nicola, manager for the National Runaway Switchboard, said she routinely coaches parents to turn to Facebook and similar sites when a child goes missing.  For starters, she said, Facebook is the best way to reach friends and acquaintances when time is of the essence.

"It's access to a large group of people all at once. You can't beat that when trying to raise awareness," Di Nicola said.

But Facebook can help in numerous other ways, she said. Some runaways leave hints on their page with possible destinations, through wall posts or other comments left on the site. Facebook can also be used to track down friends that parents may not know about, and perhaps uncover a trusted third party who's in communication with the lost person, Di Nicola said. And Facebook is usually the best source for recent photographs that can be used to help find lost young adults.

"In one instance a volunteer told me about, parents were able to figure out where the youth was based on pictures posted to their Facebook page," she said.  "At least they had peace of mind that the child was safe then."

'Happy Endings' on Facebook

Of course, savvy Facebook users who don't want to be discovered can cover their tracks.  Still, Facebook spokesman Barry Schnitt said the firm has been a part of numerous "happy endings" that reunited lost children and youth with their families. He declined to provide details, citing privacy concerns.

"We’ve found that runaways often will still check their profile and can be located by tracking their IP address," he said.  Facebook often works with law enforcement agencies to fulfill such requests, he said.

There have been a couple of high-profile stories suggesting social networking can help bring lost loved ones home.

Earlier this year, a teenage Nepali ski racer was found in Paris after someone recognized his picture from a Facebook campaign, according to Reuters news service.  The 17-year-old had wandered away from his team's base in the French Alps and was found two weeks later, hundreds of miles away. He was recognized after more than 400 people joined a Facebook group devoted to finding him.

And last year, Hannah Emily Upp, an elementary school teacher in New York, disappeared for several weeks after suffering a rare form of temporary amnesia. She was recognized while at an Apple store in Manhattan, in part thanks to a Facebook group named "We’re Not Giving Upp (on Hannah)."

Attention can be a double-edged sword, however.  Amanda worries that her brother might be spooked if he sees news coverage about him, which could make him be less inclined to step forward. Still, she thinks the volume of loving notes from friends that have appeared on the Facebook group might be the best method for getting her brother to come home.

"I want him to see the outpouring of love from friends and the community and know that we are not here to label him or judge him, we are here to help him and love him and let him work through difficulties," she said. "This is not just his sister and brothers and parents that are looking for him. He has touched a lot of lives."

* **

Anyone who thinks they may have information about Gregory Hillman’s whereabouts can contact Amanda Hillman at amanda.jane.hillman@gmail.com

The Help Find Gregory Hillman page can be viewed by clicking here.

Parents who are trying to locate missing children and young adults can call the National Runaway Switchboard at 1-800-Runaway. Operators offer advice and also provide message relay service, acting as intermediaries for children who are not yet ready or willing to speak directly to their parents.

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68 COMMENTS

Hillman family, I am sorry for your loss. Everyone needs to check their family's link!

dude life is ruff at times I know but trust me family and friends are there to help you out living with a dissorder and truama is painful but things do turn out better in the end trust me go home to the people who love you they are always the best medicin...

Joe, have you ever even been in a mental institution? I have, it was like camp. The kids were all friends, if we were good we could watch movies at night, and though we were required to have "alone time" it was bearable. The only time anybody was restrained was when this violent kid threw a pitcher at mentor's face and split her lip open. THAT, I believe, is deserved. It's true that many kids were on sedatives but they were violent without them.

ANTHONY HOOPER.... who took you from your family??!! How old are you? Are you in any danger? Please let someone know or contact me at wendzesatmsndotcom.

I am 44..an have bi-polar2.
Please dont give up...with the right meds, great therapy.. and by understanding what bipolar is..you can accept so much. The "weight" of it all becomes less...the things you thought were so big and horrible ..become smaller, and smaller still.
You learn to celebrate your uniquness..
and your special gifts..I lnow you have one or two..and Im sure you are very intelligent,passionate and creative too! Me too..and just about everyone else Ive known with biplor disorders.
My gift, (and saving grace), is my love and passion for animals..living and working with them, as a pet groomer.
..and Im musical.
..and Im up, and Im down..
..much like riding waves.
Ive come to appreciate the intense passion
I am gifted with. Other people understand
me for who I am..and Im admired for it.
You will get through it,
and it will become easier,
as long as you keep an open, honest
heart and mind. You have a gift or two to offer!!
My 11 yr old son has most likely inheirited
bipolar as well. He's got the adhd thing going on ..just as I did..moodiness..intese intense and intense...and is also brilliant and talented...just as Im sure you are!!!!!
Give yourself a break!!!Dont cut yourself short!!!
Go home..let your family take care of you.
and of course, dont ever give up!

To God we belong and to Him we return. I hope Gregory is found safe and sound and returns to his family safely. I know you don't know me but, I'm speaking from a perspective of a parent who had a child go missing. Greg, wherever you are, please contact your loved ones. You don't know the pain your family and friends are suffering through worrying about you. Be merciful to your family and PLEASE PLEASE CONTACT THEM. They love you. May God be with you and bring you home safe, Amen.

Greg, I hope you read this. I know how despret a person can feel. I have been there. I have three mental issues, By pol, PTS, and insomnia. On top of that I am an addict and I am disabled from a childhood accedent. I have been at the end of my rope, before I was diagnosed I got into some trouble with the law. I was offered 7 years in prison until they found out what was wrong with me mentaly so the trouble I got into was a mixed blessing but before I was diagnosed I was really depressed faceing jail, my friends could not deal with me anymore (or atleast that's what I thought) my family was a mess. I was looking down the barrel and all I saw was darkness. One day I asked for help and I got it. The court thing worked out, I had to do 1 1/2 years in treatment witch was great for me. My friends and family stuck by me and helped me when I stumbled. Follow your dreams you are still young and have a lot of time ahead. I waited until I was 27, I wish I started sooner. You can do it, you have people who love you. Come home. Ron S.

I think I know what you're trying to say, John Doe, Seattle. It's not a good idea to go into "worshipping" mode with people you hear about in stories. Don't get the wrong idea; I'm not saying we should be heartless. And it seems you weren't implying that we should either. HOWEVER, most of the people replying to this post have some sort of emotional attachment to this particular story either becuase they have a mentally ill family member or they have suffered at one time from a mental illness. In which case, they have every right to be extremely emotional about this story. For quite a few people, this is a delicate situation; a more tactful approach might have been a bit more appreciated.

gregory mental illness is like a dance some days we sit em' out some days we dance.and every day we get a brand new chance.Things do get better, call your folks.talk to God or what ever your higher power is.YOU ARE SOMEONE LIGHT DON'T BLOW THAT OUT.Love your self and your family enought to fight the fight one day at a time. IT dose get better

I can only imagine the trauma that your family must be going through, Greg. Come back home.
My prayers are with you. And I agree with Steve from Ohio. Such articles will do more harm than good.

Dear Greg please try to calm down, go to church and pray, talk to God ask him for stenght to keep going, believe me after that you are going to feel better and be sure that your parents and friends love you and they are going to help you. I lost my son 5 years ago and I miss him so much .Please be strong and go back home.I am praying for you and your family

My husband has had bi-polar for more than 15 years, I have OCD and my parents both have mental illnesses. We understand what is happening. Sometimes it is scary. We are praying for you because it does get better. Sometimes it takes trying lots of different medicinces but it will get better.

Praying for you

To Greg. You have a superb name! My eldest son shares it with you. I have no words of wisdom, and can only speak to you with a Mother's heart. I have 8 sons. Each of them has their own set of issues. We've gone through just about everything a family as large as mine can go through. There have been lots of tears in our house - but equally so - just as much, if not more - love. Plain and simple. Just because you are an adult now - that will never change people's love for you. I am sure that your Mom and Dad - feel this same way too. My kids have done some pretty interesting things - and had to suffer the ramifications, and worry for what would happen because of their actions. But know this. Whatever they have done - bad or good, I will love them to the end of this earth - and beyond. There've been times I am sure they themselves questioned: How can she love me after what I put her through? And a number of other questions too. My answer to that? I love each and every one of you - unconditionally. And I always will. There is nothing stronger in this world, than a families love. No family is perfect Greg. And no person is either. It is when times are this hard though, that you need to close your eyes - rest for a minute and reflect on that fact. No one can EVER take away that love from you. It's all yours - forever - just as unconditionally as my love is for my children. Draw upon that love that your family, friends, and now yes, even strangers hold for you. It will give you the strength you need to get by - day by day, or minute by minute. Take it slow and easy. God will do the rest for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope that you will find your way home soon.

Kim
From The Land of Enchantment
ABQ, NM

Gregory please go home to your family. I have a grandson with bipolar and I do realize how difficult it is to get the proper help for this terrible disease. Having loved ones around you is so very important. My very best wishes to you and your family.

i want to run away to my city of nashville, tennessee because i was taken from my family. i miss them so much. my brothers,sisters,cousins. i dont care how long it takes i'm leavin. i am from tupelo,mississippi

To the Hillman family
I would like to say to you to keep the faith. I will be praying that God will watch over and protect your love one. Be strong in the Lord because that is where your strength will be coming from. I pray that he is alright and will be coming home soon. Please keep us posted. In Jesus Name, Barbara Prichard from Havelock, North Carolina

First of all, you must file a missing person's report before Facebook will help you, so any pedophile can't use facebook to find your kid. Second of all, most internet savvy people know they can be located by IP, which is why many people use web proxies or local software to hide their IP. You wouldn't believe how savvy young folks are. It is not the best tool, but it is a good tool for times when kids take off.

I too have bi-polar disorder and it has been a living hell. i pray for you and your family. there is help out there. kudos to the parents for doing everything they can to find their cherished son.

you go greg!!! i would also run away from a crazy instotution who forces me to take meds all day wwith side effects worse than what their trying to prevent! find a farm and raise chickens. its all in the head brother G-d can heal you, ppl cant talk to G-d in your own words in the woods or wherever u r and tell him everything. he hears you :)

God be with you.

Gregory,

I cannot tell you that I know how you feel, because I don't. What I can tell you is that sometimes our burden is so heavy we do not see how special we are and how important we are to this world and to our family. Be safe Gregory, try to go home, I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Greg,

Please don't give up on life and yourself. I beg you as a Mother of a son that furtunately failed when he tried to kill himself. Live without my son would have been impossibly difficult. Please consider your Mother and family and how much they LOVE YOU AND WANT YOU HOME SAFELY. The troubles you are dealing with WILL pass! Please, please go home to your loving family.

I'll keep you and your family in my prayers

Keeping this family in my prayers...

Dear greg I dont know you but ive been where you are now and i also have mental issues im preying for you and i hope you return home safe to you family where you belong ,every things gonna be ok .it allways is ,god bless you.

Please go home to your loving family Gregory. All mental illnesses are difficult and I have one of them too. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Let those who love you help you. Praying for you.

I hope that u find your son. I pray for him and your family.

I am bipolar and having a lot of attention and well-wishing is overwhelming for me. Be careful with reaching out to him--I would continue to consult a therapist in taking next steps to find him.

My prayers and thoughts are with your family and with Greg. My son is now 34 and has had bipolar since he was a young child and has had many hospitalizations. Greg, if you are reading this, please know that life will get better. I know you must be so scared and discourage, but you need help NOW so things will improve. My son also had a very difficult time at your age, but with the right meds, things finally started improving for the very first time in his entire life. You are a valuable and much loved person - don't ever lose sight of that. Please let someone you trust know where you are or contact a professional, a help line. Help is awaiting for you. Just reach out for it!

A "feel good story" from Bob Sullivan? With altruistic words about Facebook? This is suspect.

WE WILL KEEP YOU IN OUR PRAYERS AND HOPE THAT YOU CAN FIND YOUR SON. JUST PRAY AND EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT.

My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar. She is doing fine today. There is help. PLEASE call your parents. So many people love you. I will keep you and your family in my prayers!!!

As a person with mental health disorders, I can say that our mental health care system needs to be improved greatly! Unfortunately, some "providers" can make the problem worse. I have been driven to further self-injury because I felt that people dealt with my mood disorder in the wrong way, and they took my other health supports away. However, online support groups are absolutely amazing! For the individuals who have been willing to stick with family members and friends with mental health disorders:
On behalf of all of us with mental health problems, I say to you: thank you for loving and accepting your affected family members/friends. We know it's not always easy and would change things in an instant if that was possible. I will be praying for the Hillman family, as I know this is a difficult time! Thank God that Facebook may be a tool to bring Greg home safely. God's blessings to all!

I too suffer from bi-polar disorder and it truly is like living life in your own personal hell. There are times where my depression is so bad that I don't want to live. This young man has a supportive, loving family who seem to really want to help him through this illness. I truly hope that he finds his way home safely. As for the person who talks badly about mental health facilities, have you yourself ever even been in one? I was hospitalized in a facility for the first time last year and had a wonderful experience. It helped me out greatly and I was ready to function again in the real world after only 1 week of having a manic episode. I work full time, part time and am a college student. No one even really knows I suffer from this illness because it hides itself so well (to the person who is sick and also those around them). I also spent several months in outpatient therapy last year and had a great experience with that also. The counselor's were all so helpful and being around many others that were suffering through the same illness made me feel less crazy. I met friends in there that I will probably have for a long time. The best thing you can do is be around people that have gone through what you have. I do agree with you at times doctors can have you on one to many drugs but thank goodness in my sake I had parents that did not allow that to happen. Good luck to this boy and his family.

Hi Gregory,

I can't begin to imagine what you feel or are going through...anything that makes a man want to take his life must be incredibly difficult...however, it is obvious that you have an incredible family who loves you and wants you around...I'm sure you are an awesome individual, even if you don't think so...I hope you stick around.

Nia

I am bipolar and on meds. They have helped me tremenduously. I am a wife, mother, and grandmother. Mr. John Doe needs to find solice in Jesus and forgive the world he hates, obviously.

As a mother and grandmother, I pray that Mr. Hillman contacts his family and is brought home safe, where he is loved and missed. I know the anguish the family is experiencing, and I pray for them also.
Matthew 5:8

I will continue to offer prayers for your son and for your family.

Gregory this to shall pass, please call your parents they share your pain. They can help you no matter how difficult life and health problems can be. You matter!

I agree with Steve's statement. If kids knew law enforcement can get facebook to help track them down, they won't log in. Anyways, Good luck to Hillman family, God bless.

I losst my son to bipolar disorder. I understand how hard it is and am praying for your entire family

I hope this young man is found safe and sound. It is obvious his family loves and misses him dearly. Best wishes.

I totally agree with judy, Coral springs Florida. People get so emotional even over Michael Jackson and didn't even like him.

Praying for the best for you and your family. God Bless

Joe- are you speaking from experience? That hasn't been mine at all. I'm sure their are places like that out there, but trust me when I say they are not all like that.

I have to agree with Steve from Ohio. The information regarding Facebook's work with the police should not have been published. Publishing this information negates the ability of Facebook to be a resource for missing persons. However, the story was a touching one and I'm glad I had the opportunity to participate.

Gregory -

If you read this, please know that no matter how many problems you have, your family still loves you and wants you to come home. As the parent of a bipolar daughter, I know what your family is feeling. We struggled for so many years to deal with her problems. No matter how bad it got and no matter what she did, we never loved her less. We only loved her more. Let your family be there for you to help you through your troubles. I promise you will come out on the other side. I am praying for you and your family to have the strength to get through this. God bless you.

I AGREE it is time to improve our mental health system! It is also long pass the time for society get rid of the stereo types about people with mental health issues.

Greg...I wish for you to find your way home! Talk to the ones that you love, they will listen.

It is so sad when a child has such a terible condition like that. And any help that they recieve is well invested for thier future well being. I also have a cousin that is bi-polar, and if it wase'nt for the drugs she gets, she would be living a real "life of hell". I just hope that he is found safe and sound soon.

It is amazing to me that someone could be so negative about a postive thing. We totally need more people to care about others, and people are usually willing to help if asked. The idea that John Doe from Seattle is criticizing this action is disturbing to me, its people like John Doe (to ashamed to leave his own name?) that give the rest of us who care a bad name. I hope this young man is reunited with his family, mental illness is no longer the stigma it has been in times past. People are out there who care deeply.

To John Doe from Seattle: I think that people get emotional even though they did not know him because they empathize- that if they or someone they did love were in that position, that they'd want the best for them too. They ARE only human and possess human emotions.

Not all mental health facilities are barbaric and treat their patients like they are animals or criminals. I know young teens that have been in the inpatient and outpatient programs of a couple of mental health facilities and they are wonderful young adults now with so much ahead of them in the future. A future they would not have had if they had not been a part of these facilities and their programs. Before you say that I need to go to one to know the truth "Joe", my oldest son was one of them and is now on the appropriate medications with the correct for his conditions. He has even told us Thank you Mom and Dad for getting me the help YOU knew I needed and I didnt know that I needed so much.

I pray that you find your love one..

It's ridiculous how people that might have not even met him, but just seen him once in school are all "OMG he wuz mah best friend. he touched my life so deeply" once he disappears. Multiple kids died at my old high school and it was the same thing. And everyone in the school got all emotional about it. Funny thing is that pretty much nobody knew the kid. Had he not died nobody would have given a damn about his general existence.

How hypocritical.

I love the fact that so many people are so pasionate about Gregory coming home. I am praying for his safe return home, and those who searching for him...Gregory, you may not know me, but I take medications for depression myself, and many times have thought of an easy way out, but I have always turned to my family for support, they may not have known exactly how I felt, but they understood and loved me just the same, and still do very much to this day. Please be strong, don't let depression get the best of you, LIFE IS WORTH LIVING!!!!

I'm praying for the Hillman family!!

Praying for his safe return

Ditto. Hang in there Greg. Sounds like you have a lot of friends and family that care about you a great deal and are there to support you.

I pray that Gregory comes home to his worried, loving family. I also pray that you may find comfort in knowing that this has touched so many people all across the Country. We're all routing for a happy reunion.

Anyone would want to run away from these 'mental health' institutions. They are barbaric - they forcibly drug people and restrain them like they are in jail. In fact it's worse than being in jail as you have no lawyer and everyone will disregard what you say thinking 'oh that's the nut case'. Time to improve our mental health system to focus on outpatient care without the use of mind numbing and decapacitating life shortening drugs

I wish your family the best. My husband suffers from bipolar as well and it is very hard on all involved. There is light at the end of the tunnel, it just takes time.

Why on earth would you publish a story that says that FaceBook often works with law enforcement to help track people. Don't you think that might make some kids not log in if they know that? Seems pretty irresponsible of you to write that.

I think that Facebook should have a block option, I mean who's to say that a pedophile might not try this to find "a son" or "daughter"

I hope Gregory comes homes soon.

My prayers go out to the family.

We're praying for you, Hillman family.

Good luck to the Hillman family. I hope Gregory comes home safe.

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